Caregiving

How to Help a Loved One

Watching someone you care about struggle with an eating disorder can feel helpless and overwhelming. While you can't force someone into recovery, your support, patience, and compassion can make a meaningful difference.

What You Can Do

Learn about eating disorders so you can better understand what your loved one is experiencing

Express your concerns with empathy and compassion, using "I" statements ("I've noticed...", "I'm worried about...")

Focus on behaviors and feelings you've observed, not on weight or appearance

Listen without judgment — let them share at their own pace

Encourage professional help without ultimatums — offer to help find a provider or go with them

Be patient — recovery is a long, non-linear process with setbacks

Continue to include them in social activities, even if they decline

Take care of your own mental health — supporting someone with an eating disorder is emotionally demanding

Educate yourself about their specific treatment plan so you can be supportive

Celebrate non-appearance-related qualities and achievements

What to Avoid

Don't comment on their weight, body shape, or appearance — even if you think it's a compliment

Don't make comments about your own body, weight, dieting, or food being "good" or "bad"

Don't try to force them to eat or stop behaviors — this typically backfires

Don't blame, shame, or guilt-trip them — eating disorders are not a choice

Don't oversimplify ("just eat") — if recovery were that easy, they would have already done it

Don't become the food police — monitoring every bite increases anxiety and damages trust

Don't threaten or give ultimatums about treatment

Don't compare their experience to others or minimize their struggle

Don't take it personally when they push you away or react with anger

Don't give up on them, even when progress seems slow

Communication

Starting the Conversation

Bringing up an eating disorder is hard. Choose a private, calm moment — not during or right after a meal. Here are some ways to start:

"I've noticed you seem to be struggling lately, and I'm worried about you. I want you to know I'm here for you."

"I care about you, and some things I've seen have made me concerned. Can we talk about it?"

"I know this might be hard to hear, but I've noticed some changes and I'm concerned about your health. I'm not trying to judge you — I just want to help."

Be prepared for denial, anger, or resistance. This doesn't mean you shouldn't try — planting the seed matters even if they're not ready to accept help immediately.

Self-Care

Take Care of Yourself Too

Supporting someone with an eating disorder is emotionally taxing. You are not responsible for "fixing" them, and you cannot recover for them. Consider:

Seek your own support

Therapy, support groups for caregivers, and trusted friends can help you process your own feelings.

Set boundaries

It's okay to say "I love you, and I can't watch you hurt yourself." Boundaries protect both of you.

Manage expectations

Recovery is a marathon, not a sprint. Prepare for setbacks and celebrate small victories.

Avoid burnout

You can't pour from an empty cup. Make sure you're maintaining your own health, hobbies, and relationships.

Need help finding treatment for someone you love?

Our resource page lists crisis lines, treatment directories, and organizations that can help.

Find Help & Resources